Every Day

Four shirts I remember she wore on a day to day basis during the spring time. A light pink, with a spray-painted look print and blue hearts. A safari neutral type of thing. A white t-shirt with two, big, blue denim hearts. And a vertical striped.

I never noticed the worn-out shoes she wore. And yet, I did. I guess I just never thought about it, back then at 9 years old.

She wore an old, black cardigan or a tan jacket when it was chilly out. I remember wiggling my fingers in the holes of the black cardigan when I laid in her lap, or snuggled against her shoulder. The sound of her voice was so soothing.

She was the most beautiful woman on this earth. She didn’t need name brand clothing, or the latest style shoes to earn that title to me. Or how you possibly viewed her, maybe if you knew Debbie? I bet you never even noticed her shoes, because her smile was too beautiful. 🙂 Her delicate makeup she applied, that she received from my Mema (her mom who sold Avon), was just the right, gentle enhancement for her.

Yes, her dark hair and eyes, and lovely skin all made her beautiful. But, at the risk of sounding trite, I must say, it was the sparkle in her eye and the love in action for all fellow creatures that made her beauty radiant.

I was trying to think of which story to tell you today; the one about her calming an overwhelmed outburst, or writing me a meaningful card about self-worth in my preteen years, or when she sang quietly to me “Have Thine Own Way, Lord” in a distressing moment in my life.

I think instead, I’ll tell you what impacts me the most today.

Every day feeding the chickens together. Sometimes chased by the Rooster together.
Every morning beginning our day with a talk about life.
Every day routinely cleaning the kitchen together.
Every day knowing we would watch either an episode of Andy Griffith, Little House, or The Walton’s.
Every morning waking to the sound of her voice singing and the record playing a bright, morning, wake up song.

Every day I knew she prayed for me. I just knew.
Every day listening to her talk to all the animals.
Every day she was always a listening ear for me.
Every day she was always wearing one of those shirts.
Every day we talked about either our favorite book character from our current read or replayed a plot from a recently watched movie.
Every day we told each other if we had a dream the night before. And all the details.
Every day I watched her at some point stare quietly out her kitchen garden window at her bird feeder.
Every day she wore her hair in a pony tail, unless it was a dress up occasion.
Every day she always smiled and laughed at some point.
Every day she thought about how she could make the world a better place for another person or animal in her care.
Every day, every minuscule moment of that day, I knew she loved me. I miss you, Mom.

Go Fish

One of my fondest early childhood memories is found sitting on the light, beige carpet at Mama and Papa’s “camp” house. Cross-legged across from my paternal grandmother with the majority of the deck of cards in my hand, holding it close to my face. My nose wrinkled, her eyes twinkling. Most of the time still in my swimsuit, wrapped in a towel on a hot summer Texas day, because it for sure wouldn’t be long before I was back in the icy cold creek swimming.

Our family affectionally called this place, “The Camp,” but when visitors came, they would laugh and say it was no mere camp house. Sat on over 80 beautiful acres, a lovely brick home, horse stables, shady pavilion for reunions and best of all a swimming hole in the McGraw Creek. A diving board, trolley and aesthetically gorgeous rocky dam made it a spot of blissful repose.

When I think of my Mama, it may come as a surprise to her, but I think she really taught me the treasured value of patience and mindfulness. Living in the now. She never ever rushed time with me. Whether it was playing cards, cooking my breakfast to my specialized order, helping me practice swimming, or taking me clothes shopping, she never, ever rushed me. As an adult, looking back, I now see the loving patience she had for me. And not just me, each and every person she encounters. She takes her time to listen to details, to clarify if she doesn’t understand, and never seems annoyed by how slow I may go.

I am so grateful that she taught me to carefully wipe off my shoes at the door. And to not drip my wet swimsuit on the carpet. She showed me how to properly make a bed. And she also taught me how to properly iron a shirt, what a lost art in our busy world. She took the time to remind me to hang up my clothes, and slow down when eating – to truly enjoy my food. When a loved one was in the hospital, she dropped everything to attend to their every need; sometimes staying months at a time sleeping on a couch in the hospital room. Never, ever complained. Always only concerned for their well-being.

I know her early years were difficult. This amazing woman who turned 97 this year is no stranger to pain. She lost both her father at 10 and her mother in her teens, and yet to this day, I’ve also never heard her utter a negative thought about how challenging life was in those days for her. Or complain about being born in a time when her world struggled to survive, then rebuild in The Great Depression Era.

She only speaks of the blessings of her life.

Well, you’re a blessing in mine, Mama. You inspire me, and I am who I am because of your patient love in my life.

Mama always keeps up with the current events – news and sports and such. She can give you all the latest stats, (especially basketball) and frequently is the first one to tell me of a major current event happening.

But those events never take precedent over the event currently and momentarily happening in her life.

That event so often was a little six-year-old girl, with dark braids, and an eager ear to listen for that beautiful laugh that warms my heart to this day, saying, “go fish!”

Help

Be where your feet are. 

My Pastor has just completed a very inspiring sermon series to begin our 2024, and several times during his messages shared this really compelling phrase: Be where your feet are.

It has been a phrase I have found myself contemplating the meaning over and over for myself. Where am I staring over my shoulder behind me, and where am I gazing off distantly into the future? Years ago, my family went on snow ski trips annually. One thing I discovered quickly (and not without a few experiences to remind me) is that I could not ski and look behind me over my shoulder, and I also could not gaze too far ahead the path or I would miss necessary situations in front of me. Looking too far ahead or behind me, created disturbances in my present experiences. 

It’s hard, isn’t it? When our past imprints on our brain to be hyper-vigilant and when our need for control can’t seem to focus anywhere but on the future. But a wise woman once said to me, “You know, control really is an illusion.” 

Be where your feet are.

So true, my past is there, it exists. But I am not my past, and that is not where I exist. My future is yet to be unseen, and I could never control what that will be. What I can do, is take the next step in front of me. Do the next right thing. Be fully present, embracing all the pieces of life surrounding me now.

But, it is so scary at times. Maybe the thing that is scary is the responsibility that comes with living where my feet are. Maybe we would rather focus on what we can’t control, than courageously face what we can?

This is where help comes in. I know I can’t do this on my own. That’s the scary part. But God has recently reminded me again, He is my helper. Help doesn’t mean He takes over control of me, or that He magically makes everything feel just right. 

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber.”

Psalm 121:1-3b

The word help here in the original language (Hebrew) means a strong presence, an aid without which humankind would be unprotected and vulnerable to all sorts of unsettling situations. It reminds me that as I walk out my path, focused on each little step in front of me, He is there. He is my help. He does not leave me alone or unprotected, and I don’t have to fear. Even of my own blunders. Even of other people’s blunders.

He is greater. 

Trust Him with those feet. 

Spring, Mud and Sunrises

My favorite season is and has always been spring. Even tho’ in Texas lately, it’s like a game of peek-a-boo. Little taste of spring time and the birds are found singing and soaring, flowers are blooming, and Mr Sunshine smiling big and bright. Then comes the rain. . . rain . . . rain. Then we jump from 75 degrees and blue skies, back to our notorious cold and muddy backyards. This concept of tension, of the waiting, of the two things true at the same time. It just keeps coming up for me. Maybe it’s because I need to continue recognizing that flowers only bloom after a season of cold, wet, winter. Just like the sunrise. It comes back every day. But, sometimes the nights can be long and dark.

Have you ever been lost in the woods at night? It can be so scary. Especially in the deep piney woods of SE Texas. Where you’ve heard rumors of panthers and you’re a 9 year old girl armed with a stick and wearing flip flops without backs (this is important when you need to run!). You wait crouched in the woods, trying to be small and invisible, waiting on the sun to rise to guide your pathway back to the comfort of your mother’s arms. It’s also scary when you’re a fifteen year old sitting on a curb in a downtown city area and you know that certain night life, that could be scarier than a panther, is lurking somewhere. You wait, and wait. Hours and hours. You wonder where your ride is, but you know in your heart you’re the last thing on your dad’s mind. His addiction has called him away. Sunrise, please show up. Place me in the light, so I can see the danger.

And, the light and the springtime are so pure and so consistent. They do come. It may feel at times like it never will. Yet, the waiting is never in vain. Maybe you’re in a season of waiting right now. It may feel muddy and heavy, or dark and fearful. My friend, some promises are real. Some promises are believable. And, we have a Father who always is faithful to keep the seasons rolling along and the sun setting as it should. A God, that I don’t always understand, but Who always sits with us on that curb. And, the One who tells the sun about its rising the next day so big and so bright to light our path away from what lurks in the dark. Always with us.

Four Years

Four years. That’s how long it takes apparently to become a moderate level guitar player, learn a new language fluently, the in-between time for US presidential elections and also how long it is between the Olympic Games. There’s a bit of nonsensical trivia for you. You would think since I’ve taken four years to write, I could come up with something better than that! The truth is for me in four years now I’ve gone through a divorce, completing my Master’s, some challenging exams, working on a book, baseball games, basketball games, football games, college graduations, high school graduations, moved twice, new job, one hurricane evacuation, an ice storm, COVID-19 chaos, birthdays, Christmas, illness, surgeries, reuniting with my violin (my friend), understanding what holding space means, losing my precious mother, and God’s stillness in a new way deep in my soul.

Four years.

And, yet here I am. With two things true always at the same time. Grieving and Grateful. Tired and Strong. Humble and Learning. Resting and Growing.

Some friends once gave me a little sign that said, “Sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms the child.” He has always been there. He’s always near. There’s so very much I don’t understand, and I’ll leave those big concepts and answers safe in His heart until I can understand. For today… for this moment, all I need to know is what’s right in front of me. Do that thing. Do it well. Do it with love.

Treading

My devotional this morning pointed me, as always it seems, with a right lens for my day.  Maybe you, like me, feel that the storms just keep coming.  I remember once, when I lived in Florida as a child, going to the beach and having a contest with my sister to see how long we could tread the water in the beautiful Atlantic Ocean.  We both stubbornly kept the contest going for quite awhile, and I remember my legs beginning to ache.

My heart feels that way sometimes.

I keep treading and treading with that little word. . . hope.  My head is bobbing up and down, legs aching, staying afloat. . . But, can this be over?  Can my contest end?

My devotion this morning reminded me that there’s a difference between despair and desperation.

Despair = not so good.  There’s no point in it all.  I quit. 

Desperation = Jesus, you are my only hope. I look to you for my help, where else would I go?

Just when my strength runs out, is the same place where I give it to Him.  And, that is where my heart belongs. . . safe in His loving hands.

A Clear Lens to Look Through

First thing this morning, leaving my driveway to take my son to school, I realized my visibility through my windshield was quite poor.  My windshield had a dewy blanket left on it, and the problem was that my car is, let’s say, less than perfectly clean.  I turned on my windshield wipers, they swiped back and forth only to smear more and more filth across my windshield, causing less visibility, defeating my need and purpose.  Then I pressed the button to spray the washer fluid, only to smear even more and cause even less visibility.  Have you experienced this before?  Or, just me?  🙂

I’m in a class currently that is challenging me to think about the mindsets that I view my relationships, my ethics, my purpose, and my daily tasks through.  What is my lens?  How is my visibility?  How often do we trudge through our day only viewing the moments we live in with an entitled, selfish, inward focus?  To be honest, I believe that we do more than we realize.  I do, sometimes automatically, and my emotions signal me.. feeling irritable, short fused, or even sorry for myself. Let’s look at a simple, little heart checklist:

• Am I defensive and immediately annoyed anytime someone disagrees with me, questions my viewpoint, or has criticism for me?
• Do I gossip?  We all know when we do, and we justify as we do it.
• Do I dismiss my own weaknesses or sins with little justifications inside, only to look at others with more condemnation?  (I was tired, lonely, sad, had a bad day, not treated right, etc.)
• Do I have a woe-is-me attitude?  No one else understands me, and no one else tries as hard as me, and no one else appreciates me…
• Do I expect other people to be interested and enthralled with my pursuits, but don’t show similar interests for theirs?

It’s a start to cleaning our windshield!

There are many more reflective questions that we could add to this list, but intentional heart prodding helps us find a starting point.  Selfishness and an entitled lens leads to losing our clear visibility directing our needs and purpose.  We don’t see others, or ourselves in the light of who God created us to be when we allow only our self-gain to direct our pathways.

So, how did God create us to be?

Quite simply. . . To Love and Glorify Him. To Love Others.

“And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

Matthew 22:37-38, ESV. 

Changing our visibility doesn’t just happen with only acknowledgment, it happens when we work on it; accepting responsibility and making changes.

What are some ways we can do this?

Give God each moment of our day.  We are His creation, His children, and the display of His image on this earth.  Choose to reflect His Character.

We must know His character; What He says about us, others. We must continually sink deeper and deeper in the knowledge of His love.  How do we know?  We begin by studying God’s word, and processing it out with others who seek and follow Him.

Be grateful. Notice the mass amounts of blessings and surprises of grace in each day.  The sunrises, smiles, good meals, friendships, and so much more. Not only should we count them, but we should act.  Say thank-you.  Tell God and others about our appreciation.  Cultivate a culture of gratitude in your soul.

Practice otherness.  Tip your waiter or waitress. Be kind and attentive. Fill out the survey form for the store employee who asks you (literally takes 5 minutes, and you know you *have time* to spend that on Facebook) it may give them a raise eventually or needed kudos from their place of employment.  Let someone into your lane.  Volunteer.  Spend time with others.

Be Wholehearted.

Our Creator said that it’s better to give than receive.. He also said that what we do for the least of these, we do for Him.  He knows us! He made us.  When we function this way, it not only benefits others, but it gives our soul true peace.

Check out this article that really is insightful for us! 7 Scientific Benefits of Helping Others

If we don’t check and change our lens for the way we view things, trying to fix things on the surface level will be difficult, tiring, and frustrating.  This can lead to, “Look at all I do for everyone else!”  And, that is not true gratefulness and loving others, right?  That’s just more about ME.  Just smearing the dirt more on my windshield.  Checking the very motives and conditions of my heart and then acting on it, gives it all a good cleaning… giving me the visibility I need.

Hope you find this encouraging, it’s definitely all been working overtime on this old heart, and I wanted to share with you.

(By the way, I plan to wash my car tomorrow for those concerned!)

Motivation, Application, Wisdom & Joy

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”   ~Galatians 1:10

Why do we do what we do? 

Simple question….lengthy answers? Or could it be a simple answer? 

During one of my life’s most difficult seasons, my Pastor Reg’s response to my gauntlet of a whirlwind of questions was, “Ask yourself with each decision… What is the wise thing? What is the right thing… what is the wise thing, what is the right thing?” 

What is the wise thing? 

What is the right thing? 

Since then, I cannot tell you the countless times I whisper this question over and over as I face the next thing.

So, why do we do what we do? 

Pride? Ego? People pleasing? Fear of failure? 

Serving myself?  Serving other’s whims and pressures?

Two things that I have pondered ever since that conversation with my Pastor… 

1. I won’t know what the wise thing is unless I actively seek the giver of wisdom. 

That Bible that sits on my nightstand…  It contains the words from my Father. Why is it so much easier to seek every other source in the world when I face decisions, than to go immediately to the source in prayer?  Am I daily learning more about God, and His ways?  Are my roots growing deeper?  Do I intentionally seek?

You don’t gain knowledge about math without listening to instruction, studying, applying and working it out.  You don’t increase in ability at your sport, or musical instrument, or workplace without listening to instruction, studying, applying, and working it out… See where I’m going with this?  🙂

2.   I often know the wise thing, or the right thing… but I choose otherwise. 

Entertain my silliness for a moment, but when I ask myself, “What is the wise thing..?”  before I decide to eat that huge piece of cheesecake for lunch… well, I do kinda know the answer.  However, I eat it anyway.. and an hour later I feel sluggish, heavy, and I haven’t fed my body the proper fuel for my day to be the best in productivity.  Now, I may make that decision again because that cheesecake is so yummy!  Lol.  But, at least I need to own the consequences.

There are some decisions that carry much more severe weight, and consequences.. and owning our unwise choices is not silly, or trite, but vital for our life and those we love around us.  We grow when we face our wrong decisions square in the face, and work it out with God’s ways accordingly.  One wrong decision doesn’t have to turn into a snowball of more, and more and more wrong decisions.  I did you wrong?  I need to face it, apologize and change my behavior.. But, when my ugly pride and me sits on that throne… I ignore the question of what is right (or talk myself into a solution that isn’t godly) and instead of making it right, I cling to the wrong one, justify it, and continue to walk serving someone other than God.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m carrying my load wrong, I get tired. The absence of God in my decisions and thought processes makes me feel burdened, confused at times, and alone. But, the presence of God is my fullness of joy. And joy is my strength. See how that works out? “He will make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11, ESV). He’s a good Father – He’s not going to keep the wise thing or the right thing a secret from you… seek Him today with your every question. 

And may our motivation for what we do be all about Him, through Him, and because of Him. 

New Year’s Resolutions – Part Deux

Ok, this one is tough to share.  Lol. What will you think of me?!  😉  Ironically, I am practicing my resolution today by sharing with you!

“This is your life.. are you who you want to be?”

This little phrase developed into an anthem for my life a few years ago taken from a 2003 Switchfoot song.  I began daily listening to it first thing in the morning as I brushed my teeth, combed my hair and stared at the getting-close-to-forty face looking back at me.

Am I who I want to be?  Or am I who I think everyone else thinks I should be?  Or am I stuck being someone I don’t want to be?  Or am I someone I don’t like, but seem to keep on being that person anyway?

You see sometimes in our life we grow up thinking that everything around us defines us.  People in our life, community, leaders, culture.. And, when we think that, guess what?  Our actions follow.  So, we allow those definitions to take root, and limit our actions to fit in the little box afforded us.

Oh, their family is just that way.  Oh, people with that color of skin are just that way.  Oh, women are just that way.  Oh, he’s always done things that way.  Oh, that temper just runs in her family. Oh, people that age just always think that way.  Oh, he won’t ever be anything else, he’s just not capable.

Oh, she just IS……

But, all that stuff doesn’t define me.  Nope.  It contributes to my life.  Like a recipe with a dash of this, and a tablespoon of that.. It all becomes part of who I am.  But, it doesn’t define ME.

Define:  To explain the meaning of : to show or describe something clearly and completely.  (Merriam-Webster).

There are things that we are so grateful for in life!  We are happy for their contribution, and glad it’s part of who we are!

But, here’s the thing.. there are things in our lives that we really don’t want to define us.  But, we feel restricted like they do. Trapped.  One of my very favorite songs right now is John Mayer’s “In The Blood.”  I cried the first time I heard it, because it reached deep into my soul, and straight to the lies that whisper to me that I am limited by my past to deter becoming who I want to be.  Maybe you can relate?  Mistakes we’ve made, failures, abuse from others, family struggles.. the list goes on and on.  “Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?  Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?” (Mayer, 2017, In the Blood).

So, my resolution I’ll share with you is this!

Practice the courage to be myself.

Who do I want to be?

I guess the first step is us being intentional to think about it.  And, to realize we aren’t limited by that other stuff.  I’m not stuck… my Father made me free!

You aren’t stuck either.

I know these things:

1)      I am made in the image of God!  (WHOA!)

2)     I am a sinner that tries to find other things to fix my cravings.  I desire stuff that’s not for me, and sometimes I over-desire stuff that might be good in my life, but it still isn’t Him!  And, over-desiring that stuff still gets me off-balance because it’s temporary!  He is eternal!

3)     God’s grace is sufficient for yesterday, today and forever!  When I am one with Him, I am balanced and complete.  Seeking Him reveals more and more of my definition!

Some ways for me that help me practice….

-Being vulnerable, always truthful and sincere with my thoughts, but also kind and sensitive to the needs of others.

-Listening to others, and sharing with others in safety.  Staying away from gossip.

-Enjoying the moments of bliss I find!  For me often with music, (or other awe-inspiring gifts from God) that completely jive with who He made me.  You know the moments that you sing along with to the top of your lungs in the car.  Or, you listen to with tears. The moments were you have to just sit spellbound at scenery that doesn’t seem real.  And, then, for me that Beethoven symphony that leaves me with chill bumps and a sense of awe EVERY TIME?!

-Stopping to enjoy the sunset, or savor the coffee.  Giving myself the OK to rest, play, and create!

-Not stressing about what people want, need or try get from me… But give freely of the right things at the right time.  What’s on my plate?  Take care of those things step by step… and practice the word, “no” when it’s needed.  😊 Every time I say yes to something, I am also saying no to something else.  So, make sure my yes’s are the ones I want, and the no’s are the right ones for me.

-“Where ever I am, being all there.” ~Elisabeth Elliot.  Wholehearted living!

And, when I mess up (because I surely do and surely will…) getting back on the path and taking a step at a time back in the right direction!

Hey, remember as Dr Seuss says… “There’s no one you’er than you!” And that’s not a mistake… God shaped and fashioned you!

The practice of being ourselves takes courage, insight, and honesty.  Not just simply, well folks – this is me and this is what you get kinda courage… ‘cos honestly that can leaving us feeling very dissatisfied at the end of many days. Rather, the courage to be who we truly are. Who we are created to be!  And all with the flair of the individual ways He made you and me!  To practice shedding ourselves from lies of our image that weigh us down – hate, fear, insecurity, pain… and then practice putting on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, and strong love for ourselves and others!

Bearers of the image of God

Here’s what is fascinating.. our God is a God of ubiquitous diversity!  Just take a look around, and then in the mirror!  I’ll leave you with this quote that I heard once in a lecture…

“Every man is in certain respects like all other men, like some other men,  like no other man.”

The same Switchfoot song also has this line.. “Don’t close your eyes.”  Ahhh.  That’s what I’d like to do some days.. lol.. but, courage isn’t always some big, bold hero with a cape and a big S on the chest… courage is taking the right steps today.  It’s opening our eyes to look at reality.  Steps.  One by one by one… Not always an easy road, but the one that brings harmony inside, no matter what we are walking through on the outside.

 

New Year’s Resolutions

To ring in the new year of 2017, late in the month of January, my mom, my four sisters, myself and some of my nieces met together for a brunch.  This was a first for us, and it was a very meaningful time.  It was a needed time.

So, why am I writing on this now?  Ha.  We are half-way through the year!  Let me explain.

One of the activities we did that day was writing our “New Year’s Resolutions” on 3×5 notecards, and then if we wanted, sharing with the group.  It was such a great idea, it truly helped me to slow down and be intentional about what my priorities really were for the year.  Afterwards, I placed my little cards in my Bible as bookmarks and needed reminders for my daily life.  Here we are in July, and halfway through the year and I smiled this morning as this particular resolution marked my Psalm this morning.  Rest.  True Rest.  Did I even know what that meant when I wrote it?  I certainly didn’t know what all my year would hold… that’s certain.  But, I smiled because I thought the definition of rest has taken on a new shape, and new meaning for me in so many ways the past few years.

Rest.  True rest.

That’s what she said in January – beginning 2017.  Here we are in July.

I like to visualize rest thinking about our cat Thomas.  Now that fellow knows how to rest!  He has a little routine every day.  And it all revolves around rest, I’m pretty sure (well, that and eating..).  He has his morning stretches, his breakfast, his nap on Paul’s top bunk, snacktime, naptime on Wesley’s bed, snacktime, naptime on couch, snacktime, aggravate our other cat Romo time, snacktime, and then relax-time on back of couch or in our laps to complete his evening before bed time.

The only time he doesn’t rest is when his food bowl is empty.  Not only does he not rest,  WE can’t rest.  Because he paces, stares, and even gives a little bite (if it comes to that!) to remind us “MY BOWL IS EMPTY.”

Kinda like me.  I can rest when things are all nice and tidy… all my ducks swimming pretty in a row (and for the record, I can’t even remember when it was that way for me.  I am thinking they are not even ducks at this point… maybe chinchillas?).

But, oh God where is the rest when things aren’t the way I want them?

Not when things are hard and confusing.

Or, when I have needs that I feel aren’t met.

Not when I feel I’m wronged or shorted from what I deserve.  (Ouch).

Or, how can I rest when the storms are big and unexpected… and the lights seem to flicker on and off.

Where are you?

And, He reminds me.  The wind and waves know my name.  You can rest.

Throughout the years, lack of sleep has become my nemesis.  I’ve learned some practical ways that help.  Sleep association patterns:  Reading before bed, journaling my “to-do” list for the next day, calming playlist, lavender scents, relaxing a wee bit on my caffeine intake :), less screen time, good hydration, etc.  All great aids!  Definitely have proven to help me greatly!

But, maybe you will agree with me… there seems sometimes to be no cure for an anxious heart.  When you toss and turn on your bed, and sleep seems so far away.  Your pillow may be the only one you trust with your tears, but God sees.

What was the Psalm that my resolution from January had randomly marked?

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
 When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy.”

Psalm 94:18-19

What’s the true rest I want to practice?  Trusting Him.  Allowing His words to console the deepest corners of my soul.  Letting go of what others think, giving Him all the heavy things I carry, fully embracing His forgiveness and grace, trusting that He is at work in all areas… even the ones that may be difficult to understand.  Entrusting each step to His wisdom and ways.  Reaching for His word when I want to ruminate on issues.  Committing myself to pray, even when there aren’t words, or when all I want to do is complain or worry. Looking for faithful friends who can listen, pray for me, and share needed perspective and truth to my ears. Settling my mind to know I am not the “fixer” of anything, I’m just a girl who has the opportunity to love others, as I have been loved. Loving is easy, when you spend time with the One who loves you.

Sleepless nights will still find us.  Anxious moments will come.  That’s for sure.  But even in those moments, we can have the gift of true rest.

2017 –  A year of rest.  The gift of rest that we can all embrace.