let’s communicate for love’s sake

My tongue often reflects my heart.  The Bible tells me that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).  My heart often is self-serving, and my tongue reflects that!  I often write it off, even to myself, with disguises and masks.  Recently, I’ve thought much about difficult conversations that are loving, and why they seem soo difficult to have. We seem to find it way easier with conflicting views to sit far off and throw lashes with our tongues to others who think like us on the topic, or whine and complain to our friends — rather than speaking face to face to HEAR their thoughts and SHARE our thoughts with true love to the one with whom we don’t see eye to eye.  Promoting unity involves honest, real conversations and authentically listening.  Putting my heart out there.  Caring more about true love for all than just “love” of my self.  Selfish-love that worries how I look to others, or critical that the other won’t care about my side of things (and certainly me not caring about their point of view), or worried about how I’ll be perceived…. which actually can’t be love…. cos all that’s fear based. There’s no fear in perfect love.

Whispering behind backs, blanket statements thrown out there targeted to make someone “hear” me without actually reaching out to them personally, indirect communication and using God to justify “me” and “my” agenda is manipulative… again there’s my fear clinging to a silly control that is really just an illusion, right?

We can’t control others.  And even if we could, would that be love?  I can’t make you hear me, and you can’t make me hear you.  But, true love is the bridge that is only capable of connecting us.  Unifying our hearts.

True love gives a patient ear.  A kind response.  Even if we disagree… love can be kind.

True love doesn’t brag, protect its ego, or become jealous.  It doesn’t have to win the argument.. it wants to win the trust of the other person.

True love doesn’t dishonor others.  (Ouch!)  It never shames or disgraces another.

True love isn’t angered, and it doesn’t make a list of all the wrongs to shake in the face of the other.

True loves gets excited to share truth!  It doesn’t let things go by that are “not” ok… True love reaches out to restore that which needs a new perspective and breathe new light and hope.  True love confronts when needed, with a beautiful aim to build up.

True love protects, hopes, keeps going, and trusts God – cos He’s the one actually in control.

True love never fails.  God’s love will never, ever fail us. 

So, you may be like me sometimes, and say… “This is impossible.  You don’t know my situations.  You don’t know how impossible this really is.”

And, you are right.  I don’t know your story, as you don’t know mine.  But, what I do know is that with God… this is possible.  I believe that with all my heart for you and for me.  And, how He shows you will be a miracle designed for you, and it will bring peace to situations that you right now feel like can never be resolved.  The first step is to trust Him.  Trust and obey.  As we know His love, and as we sink deeper and deeper in the vast, overwhelming love of our Father – We know love.  And, as we love others, the love becomes more and more real and known to us.  What a beautiful cycle to be in, right?

Divisiveness destroys, but love restores.  Last time I checked, my God was in the business of restoration.  It’s what He does.  Give it up to Him.  Be brave and kind when you speak up.  Be quiet and still to hear Him.  Reach out and talk to others about conflict and various perspectives.  I can’t know your story, unless you share it. Please be brave, it’s yours, and it’s meant to share. Let’s give each other the opportunity to put one another’s shoes on and walk around a bit.  Unity comes as God fuses us together as one.  One body that represents Him.  His way is vulnerable, honest love and connection… So let’s seek His ways.  Mine don’t always work the best.  😉

Bible References:  I Corinthians 13:4-8; 1 John 4

To A Wild Rose: Straight from the Heart of Renee

As the series continues I would like you to meet my friend Renee. It’s truly a joy to work and walk beside Renee in this crazy life-journey and as we both serve at the East Texas Pregnancy Help Center.  Renee has the integral role as Administrator and amazes me daily with her multi-tasking, multi-hat abilities!  Renee holds a Bachelor of Science Business Administrative degree from College of the Ozarks and has traveled and worked in many different, beautiful, wonderful places, and we are so happy to have her now here with us.  She is a constant light to my life, and a faithful friend.  Here’s a little piece of her heart in words..

The “wild rose” theme fits when I think about how counterculture my story has turned out.  And I am thankful my story has unfolded the way it has.  It has molded and shaped me in the exact and unique “wild rose” that God intended.

My story may be considered “wild” to the world.  I remained single until almost 40 years old (pausing for the jaw-dropping gasps here.)  And an even “wilder” fact is that I chose to wait for my husband (…pausing again..)  How often does that happen anymore?  I give credit to the grace of God!  But admittedly, these facts about my life have been difficult to navigate emotionally far too often.  I have been very messy emotionally!

The world is full of messages that if you are not married early in life, there is something wrong with you.  Well-intentioned friends and family unceasingly ask questions such as, “Are you dating anyone?” “Are you going to stay single forever?” or make insensitive comments “Well, your standards may be too high.”  or  “It will happen when you stop looking.”  Without meaning to, they caused me to feel like they thought there was something wrong with me as a woman since I was unmarried and childless.

True story… one year I came home from college, probably about age 19 or 20.  My grandmother traditionally made full-sized afghans for her grandchildren as they each got engaged, however, she had already gotten it in her mind that I might never get married.  She actually called me an old maid and announced that she went ahead and made me a twin-sized afghan.  I am sure I turned all shades of red that day! Lol  Side note: she passed away almost ten years after that and I now treasure the twin-sized afghan.

There is an important truth that the world is not shouting to us as women.  The truth that we as women need to hear is that we are whole, we are beautiful, just the way we are.

Whether we are single, or divorced, or dating, or married, or widowed, or whatever our “label” happens to be…. and whatever the reason happens to be, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with us because our label is not something else. 

Getting married does not make you mature or complete. Nor does singleness.  God made each of us in his image and He directs our steps.  One truth that help me reconcile my time of singleness in contrast with the messages the world sends is that God himself is the chooser and giver of my blessings (and the blessings of others).  As I embrace my own gifts, I can celebrate joys with others without a jealousy/pity party because I am truly glad God has blessed them.  And I can trust a God who gives every good and perfect gift.  We do not know how long we get to enjoy the gifts either, so if your gift is singleness, savor it.  If your gift is marriage, savor it.  If your gift is mom, step-mom, grandmother, savor it. Savor every gift while you have it.  One of my gifts was an extended time of singleness and I do not regret it.  I followed the Lord and had exciting adventures during those years.  I will be married 2 years in about 6 weeks.  I am the same whole, beautiful woman I was before I was married.  And I am savoring this new adventure as an equal but different gift.

I want to shout this message to the youth of our day.   In the era of social media, they are bombarded with even more false messages about relationships and what is and is not appropriate in them.  I want them to know that they are whole, they are beautiful JUST THE WAY THEY ARE!  No relationship can give them value or add to their value.  The value is already there. Embrace your value and celebrate who you are.  And I challenge all of us to be mindful of our words as we inquire of others.  We may not fully realize the messages we are sending, even the unintended ones.

To A Wild Rose: Straight From the Heart of Joy

Today the series continues, and I’m beyond honored to have one of my heroes share with us.  She’s a ginger-snap that I like to call my little Toodles.  Joy is a giant-hearted person who continually shows me what true perseverance, courage, and faith look like.  Joy is the fourth in my lovely quintet of sisters. She graduated Cum Laude in 2015 from Stephen F Austin University with a Bachelor of Arts for Creative Writing.  Currently, she is a Masters Candidate in Creative Writing and a Teacher’s Assistant with the English Department at Arkansas State University.  I pray that this post reaches deep into your heart, as it did mine.  

Rings left by coffee, stains left by people

I almost always buy my clothes second-hand, coffee-stained sleeves and lipstick-stained collars, worn-down and fraying and faded and beautiful. I love the history that comes with an article of clothing that has been worn by a stranger: it could have gone hiking in the Smoky Mountains, could have soaked in the tingling, woody smoke of a campfire, could have spent days in bed cuddling a newborn, or drinking coffee and watching old movies. I love that things have histories. They do not begin and end with me and my personal joys or tragedies. The world spins, and I am only a small part, watching.

Isn’t it amazing that the people we love live on beyond us? It is not as if, after we have lunch with a friend, they get in their car and immediately vanish from existence. They may disappear from our sight and our mind—but they are now in their own little world, experiencing their own little joys and tragedies. They are mysteries to us. We can speculate: are they eating lunch right now? Are they slathering mayonnaise on bread or making too-strong coffee with heaping teaspoons of sugar? Are they happy? But we never know, for certain. We are stuck in our own limelight. They have exited off stage and are in the dark of the wings.

Like most Americans, I am guilty of being very self-absorbed. I live in my own head, with ghosts of old words. In my life, I have been hurt by individuals who entered and exited. Their cruel words become a stain on my sleeve, their lies broke a button on my shirt. I repeat the thing they have done to me like a mantra: hurt, hurt, hurt. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I forget that they have exited off the stage, that they are living out their own mystery elsewhere, and I become obsessed with the way in which they have changed me.

As a woman, I have lived through a series of expectations. I passed through them like wandering through bewildering rooms in an old house. Sometimes I felt very lost. I was raised with the expectation that I would marry and have children, because per the culture, that was God’s plan for women. Guys I liked told me that they thought women should be modest and cover their legs, their breasts, their hair, but also stay in good shape so that they could be sexy. Men in churches told me that I should be submissive to authority figures and not argue or dispute ideas publicly. Teachers told me I had to try harder, because women still didn’t get the opportunities that men did unless they went above and beyond their male colleagues. Friends reminded me that I should major in a field suited to a woman: like teaching or nursing, because other jobs were too masculine.

But I didn’t want any of that: I wanted to be a leader, a shaker, a dreamer, a doer. I used to pray to be magically transformed into a man, because I thought men’s lives must be more exciting. For a few years I bound my breasts and wore boxy clothes to pretend I didn’t have a figure. I rejected every romantic intention of any guy that came near me; because I thought love meant submission to degradation, meant agreeing with my partner’s crazy thoughts, meant shutting up when I disagreed, meant taking abuse…out of love.

Looking back, I recognize myself as an intelligent, creative child who was just curious and excited about everything. So much got stifled by those well-intentioned comments to be more ladylike, to talk quieter, to dress feminine, to eat less and stay in shape, to find a husband, find a husband, find a husband.

Now I know better; I know as a woman I am just as whole and full of potential as a man. I believe in the adventures of being a woman. Yet I am guilty of letting these old comments stain my perspective on myself. Sometimes when I’m teaching I think, Wow, I sound bossy. Sometimes when I’m standing in front of the mirror I think, My teeth are so ugly and fang-like, so gross. I like rock music and science fiction (that’s not ladylike), I prefer other people to cook for me (I’ll never be a good wife).

Recently I found out, due to some issues, that it is almost impossible that I will ever be able to have children. My first thought was: I guess I’m not a real woman. But that thought was ugly and untrue, that thought was an old ghost of someone who told me, once upon a time, that the only reason I was born was to serve a man and have babies.

And I know that thought is untrue because the women I love are doing amazing things. They are sometimes mothers and wives, yes, but they are also personal trainers and musicians, globe-trotters and activists, counselors and preachers, nurses and nannies, business-owners and orchestrators, singers and dancers, makers and creators, dreamers and soldiers, rockstars and fashionistas, bakers and brokers. I see them jogging in the morning. I see them at coffee shops, reading for pleasure. I see them wearing clothes that make them feel good. I see them building fences and chopping wood, plastering walls painting houses. I see them moving abroad to Italy or China. I see them fighting crime, speaking out, turning in their abusers, being so very loud and so very lovely.

And I am in awe of them.

I am in awe of you.

You are my mentors and heroes, you are why I tell the ghosts to shut up, and get off the stage. You are why I silence my fears that I’m bossy or unladylike or weird. You’re why I’ve learned to love being a woman again.

Because whatever unkind words have been spoken to you, whatever little rips and tears have been made to your soul, you wear yourself with grace and purpose when you live to be who you truly are. When you gamble on yourself, when you believe in your dreams. You are as beautiful as that dress, hanging in a thrift shop, that dress that has been danced in, twirled about. The dress that has seen the sun and rain both, that is worn in as soft as down, yet sturdy and durable. There are stains, yes, but they are beautiful because they tell me your story: you survived, you overcame, and you are still needed, yes, and desirable, unique in your history.

It’s hard to leave the old expectations behind, because they resurface quietly, they are still little wounds that are healing. Yet: “since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

It is best to let the ghosts go.

We are surrounded by victors and achievers and those breathing heavy and dripping sweat because they are running ferociously down the path set out for them, they are living their true purpose. I would much rather listen to their voices, strained and panting though they may be. Wouldn’t you?

To A Wild Rose: Straight From the Heart of Tracie

Next up in the series, you have the pleasure of meeting my friend Tracie.  We’ve known each other quite a few years from the days of pushing our little ones around in baby strollers, to now sharing the bittersweet moments of waving goodbye as our “babies” drive off to college.  Tracie is proud mom to three amazing kiddos, and wife to Pastor Richard Boyd.  She serves our school district as the Help Desk Technologist, and is one of the most giving ladies you’ll meet. From taxiing around our kiddos, giving me much needed reminders, and so much more I’m blessed to know Tracie… and I think you will be too as you read her honest, open words.  

As I sat this morning, all alone, looking at the decorations in our house, drinking coffee, and remembering where each ornament came from I was flooded with love, and something else.  I realized I have wasted alot of time.  I have held grudges, judged others, not forgiven, and not shared the gospel like I should.  My dad is in the hospital right now, and I just lost my grandma and a lady who was a spiritual mother to me, so my heart is kind of heavy.  More than the heaviness of the loss of people, is the loss of time.

I didn’t speak to my dad for five years when I was a teenager, and I have always felt a little estranged from him, but last year when his dad passed away, things changed.  He needed my help, and I freely gave it.  We have had the best relationship in this last year because I let us.  I let go of old hurts and pain and just loved him where he is.  I let him love me in his way, not the way I want him to love me.  I let go and let God.

My dad is not saved and I have tried to discuss it with him before, but he doesn’t see a need for a relationship with Christ.  I have tried to live my life in front of him, and hope that it has been a witness, but as I sat there this morning I thought, “Has it been?”  “Have I shown the love of Christ with my grudges and un-forgiveness and judgmental-ness?”  “Would anyone want to know about Christ watching me?” The answer is no.

Time is short people!  Even if you don’t believe in the end times, you can look around and see how fast time passes!  My daughter is looking at colleges, my son is grown and gone, I will have another teenager in a month, time has passed me by!  I have wasted something God has given me with “MY” hurts, that I really haven’t shared with the fixer of those hurts, Jesus.  

Please don’t let the time continue to go by another day having “junk” that keeps you bogged down to the point that you can’t live for Christ as you should, or share the gospel like you should.  Forgive people, love people, and tell people about Jesus.  There is someone looking at your walk, whether it is your children, husband, friend or stranger.

Walk in a walk that they will know He is walking with you.

To A Wild Rose: Straight from the Heart of Emma Jane

Today as we continue our series, To A Wild Rose, I want you to meet my friend Emma.  I’ve known this curly-headed, inspiring brunette since she was 5 years old, and I’ve watched her grow into a young woman who challenges my heart to love strong and always stay careful of complacency. Her mother,who shined so bright in Jesus, went to her eternal home in 2011, and Emma continues Jamie’s legacy by singing of the Love that endures forever.  Emma is big sis to four little sisters, completing her senior year of high school, is quite the musical gal (sings, plays piano and ukulele, songwriter, etc..) and is in prayer as she chooses the direction for her life this next year.  Read the words from the heart of a courageous young lady.  

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Those of you who know me are well acquainted with my thought-pattern or lack thereof. It’s mildly hilarious considering how hard I try to be a writer.  All I ask is that you read to the end. I promise it’ll make sense (hopefully).

I am not a gardener for sure, but I have always loved plants. Cacti especially. Momma was never a gardener either….. I was blessed with a jack-of-all-trades for a dad. Most every year, we had a gigantic garden. Even though I complained about working it, I loved every minute I spent with my parents out in the sweltering heat. I learned a lot about plants over those summers in the dirt from my daddy. I love how God gives us real-life examples of aspects of our walk with Him.

Roots are extremely important to a plant. They are the source of life.

They soak up all the goodness that the plant needs to flourish, and they offer protection. A tree with deep roots is going to be harder to blow over than a tree with immature, weak roots.

In June, I was uprooted from my comfortable home and thrown out into a new church, new school, new life. These past six months have revealed my strengths and weakness like no other trial in my entire life. I have spent days and nights crying out to God, in desperation when I see all that I am missing out on. I have spent long evenings, dancing on the dock in front of a glorious sunset, praising my Creator for this great love He lavishes upon me. I have been taking care of my roots, so to speak. Through this trial, I have been seeking God. It is not always easy, In fact, it’s never easy. I constantly pray that God instills a desire for deeper roots. Through all of this, I am reminded of how easy it is to fall into “surfacey Christianity.” We go to church, post inspirational Jesus quotes, and try to be decent people. Beloved, we are so deceived! Relationship with God is so much more than these. When God draws us, He woos us with His love. He courts us, and calls us into this divine covenant with Him where we offer ourselves, ugly, broken, hurt, and confused.

Look at how great a love the Father has given us that we should be called His children – 1 John 3:1

This love is my comfort. This love is my hope. I feel like I spend way too much time missing things that often I fail to appreciate and love the present. In the midst of my hurt and confusion, God is God, and He is GOOD. He wants more than anything for us to be pulled deeper into a loving relationship with Him. So spend some time with Him today. Let your roots go deep, so you can withstand the crazy stuff life throws at us.

He will be like a tree planted by water: it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn’t fear when heat comes, and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit – Jeremiah 17:8

To a Wild Rose; Straight from the Heart of Melody

I’m so excited!  Here is our next post in this series.. “To A Wild Rose.” Let me introduce you to my friend Melody Rodriguez… She’s a mom who knows how to laugh heartily and cuddle muchly with her sweet kiddos!  She loves her husband fervently and the radiance on her face reflects his love for her. She encourages me as a friend who loves with truth and compassion.  As a sonographer she gives the gift everyday in her workplace looking at our “inside” world.  Melody is a courageous woman who loves God with all her heart, all her soul, and all her mind.  Thank you Melody for sharing!  

I love the topic of this blog series: Wild Rose. It takes my mind to the small potted rose bush right outside of my garage. It’s often the first thing I look at every morning. It is certainly a miracle in itself that it’s still alive. I love watching the roses in their beginning stages of life, but my favorite is when one is in full bloom. The rose is tall, its proud, its stretched out reaching to the sun all too aware of its beauty. It doesn’t feel inferior, it’s not competing. Its simply basking in who the creator made it to be. In those moments I silently pray, “Lord make me like this rose. Make my friends, my coworkers, make women like this rose.” I can feel His presence and his answer,

“My child, I did.”

Most women at some point have walked or are walking through the darkness of comparison, inferiority, and a broken self-worth. There is no sun there. There is no basking and reaching, only wilting and a lack of self-value. All too often we’ve allowed the opposite sex to discern our esteem. As though men belong on a pedestal nor as our equal but to tower over us. I suppose from that height they can see well enough to let us know if we’re too thin or too wide. I guess they can hear better at that level to let us know if we talk too much or too little. Surely, mans opinion must be the most accurate determining factor of a females worth right? I was blessed with a long lineage of good men. I was fathered by one, I’m married to one, and I’m raising two. I’ve also spent some time on the flip side of the coin. I’ve allowed my value, my worth, who I am to be changed, to be altered to better fit into a stereotype attractive to men. And I see so many women living that lie today. This isn’t “normal”. This isn’t “just the way it is”. Women must step out and be willing to take an active role to re-define what our society has dysfunctionally made to a supposed truth. We have this amazing ability to build one another up if we so choose. To have those conversations with one another about where our self-esteem is and how we value ourselves.

Will you stand and watch your sister wilt in the shadows? Or will you, like I’ve done with my potted plant after it weathered a storm, pick that beautiful rose up, set her on solid ground and turn her to the sun. Will you point her in the direction of the one who holds our value in His hands? We’re all weathered, maybe a little tattered, we’ve walked through shadows. But we don’t live there, we don’t stay long. We stand again, we thrive again, we bask in the light again. Why? Because we are daughters of the most high King. And today is the perfect day to start treating one another that way.

To A Wild Rose; Straight from the Heart of a Girl.

When I was just a little girl, I loved lying on the floor next to the piano as my sister practiced.  Beautiful moments gifted by God.  My big sis Jackie’s long dark hair falling over her shoulders, her freckled face seriously in tune with the beautiful melody of one of her favorites by Edward MacDowell, “To A Wild Rose” singing out from the keys.  There was something about his simple tune that has always connected with me, and even the name itself for some reason reminds me of how I see the precious women around me.  A little about me you may or may not know, I grew up with four sisters…tons of Jane Austen, bobby pins, and estrogen. Ironically, I now have five sons, and the tables have turned.  😉 So, I grew up with girls, work with girls, and also serve girls as I work at a pregnancy help center.  I guess that makes me think I have a little to say about girls, and to girls. Ha.  And, I guess that’s why I decided to title this new series as such.  A wild rose, beautifully wrapped up each one individually with different layers of petals… variants of sizes, hues, and even scents.

Recently, there’s been much discussion about views on women, “locker room talk,” abuse, value, respect, etc.  But, this is a topic that’s been on my heart, in my life, and in my circle for quite awhile longer than the recent news posts and Facebook brawls.  It’s also a topic a lot older than me and my struggles… Actually, it’s been around and is as “old as the hills”–  and, the beauty is we have continued to grow together on this topic! But, more discussion is so needed, and we have the opportunity to listen, learn, and love.

Quite recently I overheard a conversation in which a man was calling a lady not present a “Hoe.” She apparently had been sexually active with several different people in the recent past, and the latest of which was a man who also had a recent reputation of being sexually active with many different partners, as well.  I queried as to if the couple discussing would call the man the same label, and with laughter was told, “No, that’s just the way it is.  Always has been.  It’s just different for women.”

Hmmm.

He brushes past us too closely, grazing our curves “accidentally.” We feel our boundaries infringed on, and we are made to feel uncomfortable.  We hesitate to speak up knowing the response might be met with laughter, or “don’t take it so serious – it’s really not that big of a deal.”  We are ogled in the grocery store, or approached in a disrespectful way, and maybe we look down at the ground awkwardly.  We are honked at while standing at the gas pump.  We are yelled at with crude words while sitting at a red light. Feeling like an object meant for others pleasure, rather than a living thing to be cherished. We don’t know where “yes” begins and “no” stops sometimes, because we’re just not sure.

We dismiss it.

It’s just the way it is.  Always has been.  Always will be?

We struggle internally as we always feel the need to compare ourselves to others.  I’m too fat, I’m too thin.  I wish I had longer legs, or shorter legs.  Why am I freckled?  Why am I so dark?  I’ll do anything to get his love and his attention.  I must be worthless, he rejected me. Why am I not good enough for him? How can I win his affection or attention, that’s the only time I feel real value.

And, we either are saying in our very core that possibly we are sub-human as women, or men or super-human as we strive so hard internally to gain favor or equality… We struggle to see our worth that is already determined whether others recognize it or not.  Maybe we feel deeply flawed without that approval, or treat the desperate need for a man’s favor as if they are god-like and we are less than.

All the while, God has specifically made us just as He created the wild rose… And we are beautiful, free, individual, and overflowing with potential.  Not determined by what man says, but with specific, amazing, individual gifts and talents to give the world around us. Gifts not given by or dependent on another human.

An artist.

A mother.

An engineer.

A doctor.

A social worker.

A caregiver.

Never an object.

Equal?  YES!  Diverse?  YES!  Unique?  YES!  Each and every one of us!

I don’t know about you, but I’m not the gal I was twenty years ago, or even five, or heck, even one!  God constantly has me on a path of growth. My journey has me often walking away from things that aren’t best as I learn by trial and error, and enlightening me with new ways of looking at things, new perspective.  Honestly, growth hurts sometimes!  But, what a gift that rewards not only me, but those I love with a newness for my ways to live and love!  So, that’s what you will find here; fresh perspective, straight from the heart of many women who walk this walk every day who will be sharing the next few weeks as a gift to you! What am I saying?  We need to re-think the way that many of us view women.. and both sexes need to search our hearts on this matter. We aren’t personally healthy when we aren’t growing in wisdom, truth, experience and perspective. We need to remember that as a culture the same growth is needed..

The way it is, doesn’t mean it’s the way it should be.

Domestic and sexual abuse.

Pornography.

Exploitation.

Degrading talk.

Desperation and co-dependency.

The way it is, doesn’t mean it’s the way it should be.  We need to talk.  

For the next few weeks, I’ll be hosting a blog-series here, and I’m proud and pleased to say that many contributors who will share with us are among the most strong, kind, brave, precious, lovely ladies you’ll meet.  I’m so excited to start this conversation.

I want to leave you with a quote from one my recent reads that challenged me and reminded me of the most important love and definition that I’ll find.

“Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man – there never has been such another. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronised; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as “The women, God help us!” or “The ladies, God bless them!”; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unself-conscious. There is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words and deeds of Jesus that there was anything “funny” about woman’s nature.” 

Are Women Human?  ~Dorothy Sayers

words that remind us

A few years ago a friend sent me these timely words that were written many years ago.  I remember staring at my screen in silence, tears falling as I peered over the words – praying for the depth of the message to nestle into my heavy heart. My life has not been a stranger to the face of pain, as I know you also face your own battles in this world, My Friend. Hold fast today. Share hope. Take moments to rest.  Breathe freedom. Speak words of Life to each other every chance you get. I’m so grateful for little reminders like these that speak great faith to my life!

“We should never know the music of the harp if the strings were left untouched; nor enjoy the juice of the grape if it were not trodden in the winepress; nor discover the sweet perfume of cinnamon if it were not pressed and beaten; nor feel the warmth of fire if the coals were not utterly consumed. The wisdom and power of the great Workman are discovered by the trials through which his vessels of mercy are permitted to pass. Present afflictions tend also to heighten future joy. There must be shades in the picture to bring out the beauty of the lights.”

-C. H. Spurgeon

I love technology, but not as much as you, you see

You might have seen the famous scene from the movie, Napoleon Dynamite, where Kip sings adoringly to his bride the line, “I love technology, but not as much as you, you see.  But, I still love technology.  Always and forever….”  I always laugh when I hear Kip’s heartfelt song, and sometimes I chuckle as I see how we all adore our technology and especially our social media.  Oh, and I’ve read the tons of blogs, articles, memes, and FB rants about all the negative things surrounding this pertinent piece of our generation. So I decided to add a blog on the topic, but I’ve gotta confess my reasons that I love technology (but not as much as you, you see)!

1) It’s oh-so entertaining.  Like, my brain explodes some days when I get my social-media time-on after a long day and posts of majorly serious political posts are right above my friends rant (and pics) about her child’s potty-training accident, anddd that’s above the 412 cutest kittens of 2015, which is right above another friends gossip post regarding her cousins’ sister’s bad haircut due to an argument over who made the best gumbo, which is followed by images of hair styles that are similar to Rizzo from Grease.  If I haven’t had a reason to smile yet, BAM… thankyou social media!  I love you guys! You remind me that life is never dull!

2) It reveals our inner self sometimes, and gives us a chance to see someone else’s inner self.  Vulnerability is a pathway to connection and growth in love.  There is no replacement for face-to-face ever, I think.  However, we do have such a difficult time showing the real “me” when we look each other in the eyes.  While we need to continue to work on being brave to share our real selves with one another, social media provides opportunity to make some healthy exchanges for growth.   It is a place to see maybe some different sides of folks that might indicate needs, prejudices, hurts and others pieces of their life that can spark new, relevant conversation, encourage a broader perspective, and educate one another on a different angle of things within our own culture and mentalities accrued.  Ok, ok… you’ve got me.  I hear your thoughts.  😉  Yep, I’ve definitely seen things that caused me to feel like maybe I would throw my phone away, go off the grid, live in the mountains, and cook elk over a campfire.  (Or, at the least delete some of my social media apps.  Ha.)  But, then I have a little Joani-Heartcheck.  Don’t I have the desire to be heard, understood, and have the ability to express myself with your respect for my beliefs?  Also, could we give each other the opportunity to grow in love as we challenge one another with healthy dialogue?  Maybe I don’t know, what I don’t know.  Let me gain some fresh perspective through your eyes.  When we share things, we are essentially sharing “us”… Let’s keep that in mind.

3)  It gives me a chance to connect with those who otherwise I’m not able to right now.  I have precious loved ones in numerous places around the globe.  The strokes on a keyboard chatting, talking over Facetime/Skype video, or viewing the FB/Twitter/Instagram posts that keep up with their interests will never replace sharing a sunset on the beach together.  However, it keeps us connected in a way that I don’t have to wait years to see their smiling faces.  I often think of how grateful I am, especially as I think of reverting back to days of old with ships and horse and buggies that might only prove for one to communicate with loved ones after years of separation.

4) It exposes, actually, how much we long for a sense of community and to be together.  One of the slogans researchers have dubbed for this millennial generation is, “There is no me, without we.”  We were made to help each other in this journey, we were created to walk together, and grow in love.  We think sometimes that this generation is showing signs of detaching, but maybe we actually are making more visible that we deeply long for connection more than ever.  Don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not think a FB post should ever take the place of a good conversation over a cup of coffee (gotta have my coffee time)… But, what I am saying is that social media does allow for another place to connect, and an opportunity for us to realize the common desire in all of us (even the most extreme introverts) for community.  It is another way to reach out when we are lonely, a place to possibly be encouraged when we most need it, to be challenged for growth, and a place where we can share life together in a small way.

 

Tis true, technology, like all good things should have its proper place and space in our lives.  I should be careful if reading too many online quickie blogs and articles engulfs my time taking away from the love and enjoyment I have for reading a book, or if I allow FB to rob from my time of joining in a fun game with the kids, maybe if I fail to look up from the screen to see the gift of a sunset, or when I miss out on a chat with my mom for a recipe because I google it instead.  😉

But, I still love technology…

So, if you get the chance, check out the movie Napoleon Dynamite, and you can thank (or delete) me later.

Peace out.

appreciation

Appreciation:

“Expressing thanks or praise; recognizing someone’s accomplishments or efforts.”

My nine-year-old looked up at me with those big, blaring, brown eyes.  “Did you like it???  Are you glad I made it??? Did I do good?  I worked on it for an hour just for you!!”

As we continue our conversations about our basic emotional needs let’s think about the need for appreciation.  Often, we may even tell ourselves this is selfish, or prideful… We squelch the feeling inside, and quietly often wonder, or even hurt that our loving efforts go unnoticed. Even though we love and enjoy simply the opportunity to give into others lives, we also build community by the giving and receiving of appreciation.

There are a few things we can learn from watching children communicate their needs, and realizing that we are just the “big versions” with the same needs. Children have a way sometimes of expressing it more plainly, than as we grow into adulthood and hint, crave, or go without — feeling sometimes very unappreciated for our efforts. Sadly, at times it can even grow into a sulky, subtle bitterness over something that others do not realize we have need of, and feel neglected therein.  Unfettered and free, little ones often express that not only are they quite happy to contribute pieces of love into our lives,  they also express the enjoyment and need for hearing that we acknowledge and appreciate their gift!

So, I’m not suggesting that we completely mimic a little child in this… Ha.  That could be quite interesting in the world of us “big people,” (Cue a big, bear-hug tackle of a 200 lb bearded man over the table of homemade lasagna his great-grandmother made), but I am saying let’s make this a habit to consciously think with more appreciation and recognition of others, and be vulnerable and brave enough to express when we feel the need for appreciation.  Not with whiney-ness, but with joy…. “I was so excited to help you with your work today!  Did it really help you?  Were you glad?”  Today, you and I might need that big, cold, glass of water.  Some days we are a bit more dehydrated, and it helps fill us up when our efforts are appreciated.  Give another loved one a glass, too. As you ask kindly for yours.

Appreciation can also look like: letters, little gifts, notes, certificates, rewards…

And, can sound like:

“You did such a good job on the yardwork today! I know you worked hard!”

“Thank you for your thoughtfulness.  I am so grateful for how much you love me.”

“I see how hard you are working toward your goals in homework. I appreciate your diligence!”

“Thank you for that cup of coffee.  Whew, what a day… and you noticed right away that I need some care.  Your so kind to me!”

We all share these needs, friends.  There’s not a one of us that doesn’t…

Let’s grow together in love, sharing and receiving appreciation for all the beautiful, good ways we contribute to one another in this life.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Phillippians 4:8 (ESV)

References:

Center for Relational Care, MacMillan Dictionary (2015); Abraham Maslow; Robert McGee; The Need for Family Appreciation, MSU, (2013).